i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
