Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
