next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
