I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We need a shit load of segways right now
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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