Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's blow job season.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
