The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
