I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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