I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
This baby is an asshole
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
