Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
