My cat gives me a boner
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dear god my vagina.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
