Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
