We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
