5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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