yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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