dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
