You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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