your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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