I bet he comes in French.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
