So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize