doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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