No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
