My hand turned me down
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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