i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
