take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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