New invention idea: vibrating tampons
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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