What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
