So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
