We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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