Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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