shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
