he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
