I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
