He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
