walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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