I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
