Don't make out with my wife yet
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
