I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
