I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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