Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
