and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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