dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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