I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Randomize
