the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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