ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
