Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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