What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Randomize
