just come out here and I will go home with you...
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
