you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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