Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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