I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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