So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
