their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
