Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
