Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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