Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
