True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
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Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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