I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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