ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
