She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
