he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
