So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize