dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
