i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
