That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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