Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize