So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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