I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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