it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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