Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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