I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
