Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
