i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
