did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
my poor anus
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
