Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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