people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
