Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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