I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
